Reason.

Everyone has reasons for the things that they do. There are reasons that we jump over cracks in the sidewalk, reasons that we won't walk in dark rooms, or reasons that we can't stand certain songs.

I have a reason. Her name is Miss Chrissy (known to others as Christine or Chris). She was my preschool teacher. She is my reason.

She is the reason that I am who I am today. She is the reason that I became a teacher. She is the reason that I will go on to receive my Masters degree and continue to teach children.

She was THE BEST. Twenty two years later we still speak. She lives in Germany and does something super amazing there. It's got something to do with early childhood education. My heart still holds fond memories of her. But her heart? It's breaking. She's always wanted to have children.

Today my mom received a letter. It was from Chrissy. She has been undergoing fertility treatments but it's not really working out. The next step is IVF and it's $15,000. Not covered by insurance.

My heart wants to jump out of my chest, fly across the ocean, and give her every ounce of love I have. My heart wants to fill that hole in her heart, but it can't. The heart wants what it wants. And her heart? It wants a baby. It wants a baby that is a tiny piece of her and a tiny piece of her husband. Her heart wants 3 a.m. feedings and tantrum filled twos.

I'm crying as I type this. I would do just about anything to be able to give this to her. It KILLS me that a woman who had such an enormous impact on my life can't have the one thing she wants. It KILLS me that she has poured her heart into so many children and their families and yet she can't have that for herself.

So, tonight? I'm praying. Just for her. Only for her. And tomorrow? I'm driving to my mom's house to give her $20. It's all I've got to give, but it's better than nothing. I can't give nothing.

If you're still with me, bless you. I'm a freakin' mess tonight.

Resolutions? I don't have time for resolutions.

Just kidding. I do, but I'm a procrastinator. I haven't thought them out as well as I would like to, and if I don't think it out it's not happening.

What have I done instead of making resolutions? I'm glad you asked.

I've: cleaned the apartment, cleaned the kitchen 7,000 times, made two dozen snickerdoodle cookies, did 4 bajillion loads of laundry, folded four bajillion loads of laundry, washed bed linens, clipped coupons (I'm obsessed. It's gettin' ugly, fools), worked, had dinner with my dad, and planned lessons for the week.

Tomorrow will be my first day back at school in two weeks. I missed those kiddo's something fierce and I'm excited to get back. I'm slightly concerned that we'll have some serious behavioral issues, but hopefully not.

Anyways, the resolutions will go up tomorrow if my kiddo's don't make me crazy.